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Do not do anything for them that they can do for themselves. You will be promoting inadequacy
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Encourage (ookuvippu) your child’s efforts and not praise (pughazchi) only when they produce your desired outcome. Encouragement has long term benefits.
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In order for you to build trust in your children and build their self confidence, you need to give them responsibilities that are simple and practical.
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Please understand we are all bound make mistakes and so does your children. Do not point out all of their previous mistakes while giving them a task to perform. It will kill their enthusiasm for the task and may even set them up for failure.
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Do not fight / argue among yourselves in front of them.
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Do not use them as a referee / judge for your disagreements. You are putting a test to their loyalty.
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Do not draw parallel to the way you were parented versus the way you are parenting. Both are at different time zones.
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Remember to communicate with them through
KISS formula. Keep It Simple and Straight.
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Considering their age, please understand that their priorities will be different from yours. That does not indicate irresponsibility on their part.
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Do not tell your children to treat you like friends and communicate with you. When they begin to communicate as they communicate with their friends, you will be flabbergasted by their language.
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When speaking to family / friends over the phone or in person, do not whine or complain about child’s academic performance or behaviors’. It really embarrasses them and makes them angry with you. The net result is what you want them to improve may get worsened.
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Please understand that you will never win an argument with your teenage children. So do not indulge in power struggle.
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Do not share negative information about family members. By doing so, you are inhibiting them from becoming self-thinkers.
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Indulgence with expensive gifts does not equate to exhibiting of enormous time and affection.
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Your children need space and privacy. Give these two at appropriate situations.
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Fashion conscious teenagers are going to be adventurous in their choice of clothing. While influencing dignity and respect, do not impose your ideas.
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When invited, make time to attend your child’s cultural / athletic performances.
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At this stage, they go through “growing pains” where they are still at the crossroad of “am I a child”
or “am I an adult”. By giving mixed messages in your communication, you contribute to more confusion.
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This is the stage where they believe friends are their world. Their influences are much greater than yours. It is because they can share their thoughts and feelings without inhibitions. Secondly, they believe they are listened to by friends more than parents. This does not mean they do not love you.
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Do not conclude
all of your child’s friends are negative influences. There are many friends who are positive influences who are keeping your children on track.
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Not all friends of opposite gender of your child are friendly with yours with an “ulterior motive”.
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When your child shares a negative experience about a peer, do not become a self appointed lawyer to handle the matter. You will be closing down the channel of communication with your child.
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Information
shared by your child about a peer should not restrict future
association with the peer. Please understand that your child is
sensible enough to share the information and so has the clarity to
differentiate from being an observer and a participant.
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Include them in family discussions on certain family matters. It gives them a sense of belongingness.
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Do not always talk always about academic pursuits. It bores them and so please take interest to know about some of the topics of their likes so that you can maintain reciprocal communication.
